If not for the fact that Courtney Cox is a stunning, amazing actress, or that the comedy is original and smart, then at least for this little bit of gorgeousness – otherwise known as Matt (played by David Clayton Rogers.)
Click the image for the full affect – or just go watch the whole episode on Hulu yourself.
UPDATE: Apparently he was also in the gay movie “Boys Life 4″ – has anyone seen it? I’ve never even heard of it…
This is not to say that I’m never annoying in my “social media” ways – but seriously, some people need to get a clue. Thankfully, here I am to provide one! I present to you: Jordan’s Tips to Avoid Being an Online Nincompoop.
1) Whatever TV show you are watching – nobody cares. Seriously. Unless you are watching a never-before-aired episode of Star Trek: Voyager, I could give two hoots about what you’re doing with the boob tube.
BAD: Just watched the season finale of True Blood. I can’t believe that _______ happened!
OK: Having some folks over tonight to watch Desperate Housewives and drink that case of wine I just bought. Text me if you’d like to join.
GOOD: Just watched the most amazing documentary on the reign of Queen Nefertiti on the History Channel. I found it streaming online, here’s the link.
2) Dumbledore dies. STOP POSTING SPOILERS. You wouldn’t run around the train or bar giving away the ending – don’t do it online. The next person I see posting a spoiler within a week of the release/airtime is going to have the pleasure of receiving daily spoilers from me.
BAD: Any spoilers
OK: Screaming the spoilers into your pillow
GOOD: Keeping your fat mouth shut
3) Display your year of birth / age on your profile. You aren’t fooling anyone. If you don’t have this piece of information there are either too options: you are too young to drink or too old to stay up past 9pm. Quit being so self-conscious about it.
BAD: 11/24 – I’m older than I look! Must be those jeans.
(Ugh – I hate when people mix up genes/jeans)
OK: 11/24/1983
GOOD: 11/24/1983, my SSN is 595-29-8393, I live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC, and my mother’s last name is Zbornak.
4) “Heading to the gym to work on my legs.” Wonderful. When you’re done working those legs can you give me a piggy back ride to the store? Since you’re so strong and all… It’s great that you work out but unless it’s your first time at the gym or you sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons himself, it probably isn’t that relevant to anyone online. There is an exception. The Nike + iPod is a freaking crazy great invention and if you let it sync up that is kinda cool.
BAD: I already gave the example.
OK: Just got back to the gym after 6 months on the crutch. My trainer asked me out on a date! Where should we go?
GOOD: Just joined a new gym, the guys there are so hot, check out this one that looks like Zac Efron that I snapped on his way out of the pool.
5) Going to work, Zzzzzzz, eating dinner, etc. There better be something more interesting to it or don’t bother. Here’s an example:
BAD: At work, can’t wait to go home! Posted at 9am.
OK: Just got into work- three hours late and hungover! Going to need a drink again after work – who’s in?
GOOD: Just got in a fight with my boss at work over his stupid tweets. I slapped him and walked out, but not before grabbing that hot accountants ass. Anyone hiring?
6) Posting your relationship status or how much you are in love with your lover. BARF. If I wanted to witness all sorts of lubby-dubby I would go to Steamworks where all the magic happens. But I don’t so I don’t!
BAD: Jordan BOOV is in a relationship with Hando Righto. 12:29pm. / I LOVE MY BABY, HE’S SO CUDDLY AND CUTE! MWAH! 12:41pm / Can’t wait to get home and play with my baby *teehee* xoxoxo 1:12pm / Awwwhhh my sweetie just sent me an e-card with a teddy bear in it! SO CUTE! 1:46pm
OK: Planning dinner for a first date. He likes Chinese food but I don’t know of any good restaurants in the area. Any suggestions?
GOOD: I just got engaged to Jesse Bradford. Sorry for keeping it a secret from you all but he wanted to be quiet until we’d been together a while. Here’s a picture of his schlong. Forgive me?
7) Posting your breakup stories. Ugh, it’s almost as bad as the mushy crap. Oh wow, so you’re back with that boyfriend of yours for the fourteenth time, congratulations. I guess that means I should clear my calendar next week for when you break up again. Oh, you broke up again because he cheated on you, stole your virginity, and all he left was a piece of lint and a gum wrapper. My condolences.
BAD: Well, you just read it.
OK: While it’s fine to mark yourself as “In a relationship” and then “Single” on Facebook – there is actually an option so that it doesn’t show up in everyone’s feed. So go ahead and set your status – after you’ve disabled it from showing.
GOOD: Actually the example story was pretty funny. If your breakup is hilarious – post about it!
I speel guud. Seriously – doesn’t your computer underline the words that are spelled wrong? It’s like the computer gods descended on your inadequate education and said “we apologize, here is a tool to make you look like less of a tool” and you ignored it. Also important is to know the difference between your/you’re, there/their/they’re; knowing that a lot is not one word, and so many other offensive mistakes that I won’t even bother listing them and instead I’ll just direct you to the website of one Grammar Girl.
BAD: you’re mom.
OK: If you are sloppy drunk and miss the keys, but manage to post something hilarious.
GOOD: Anytime you pull off a complete sentence without looking like a fool.
9) BREAKING NEWS: Tupac is dead! Seriously folks, unless you were there, quit trying to break the story. This happens several times a week now, especially with the rate celebrities are dropping off at. Things we already know, and probably knew before you posted your stupid status message: Michael Jackson died, Kanye West is a douche, President Obama agrees that Kanye West is a douche, Gmail went down…
BAD: Michael Jackson died! SO SAD!
OK: Just watched this plane head into the Hudson River from my office. <twitpic link to photo you actually took>
GOOD: Britney choked on an ice cube in her Jack and Coke at my restaurant just five minutes ago and passed out. I cleared her passageway and revived her and now she’s taking me on tour with her! Do you think these pills she gave me as a thank you are safe?
Look folks, it’s really common sense. Before you post something online, take a moment and ask yourself, “Will anybody find this even remotely interesting. If I shouted this out, completely at random, in a roomful of my friends and strangers, would they care?” If the answer is no, you are about to commit a turdcrime. That is, a crime of pooing all over the internet. Don’t take a dump on our happy electronic neuro-center and we’ll all be fine!
In other news, as I was writing this, I realized that some of my peeves overlapped with some outlined in this blog post over at Dangling Carrots. If you find yourself to be an offender of any of the bullet points here, you might want to continue your research over there 
Disclaimer: Any violations to these rules by one BOOV are purely ironic and/or caused by an unnerving level of exposure to real-world examples. None of the examples provided are real and are purely provided for illustrative purposes. Except for slapping Henry Grubstick’s arse. That really happened. Also, everyone breaks these rules, including myself. It’s funny – don’t stress
Last night, someone (I honestly can not remember who) actually made note of the fact that I haven’t been updating as much recently. After I paused in a moment of confusion at the thought that anyone actually looks at these pages, I explained that I’ve simply been quite busy. I guess I’ll write a little journal post to make up for the lack of nonsense “music” videos, tank-riding-buddah-baby pictures, and men 200x hotter than me posts.
Last week I saw a couple concerts. The first was Jay Brannan. I know he isn’t the most popular with everyone, and perhaps that is part of the charm. His show was pretty good. The songs actually sounded almost exactly like the recorded tracks do. That is a good thing because I think he is a great artist, but also somewhat disappointing that there wasn’t anything more to them in person. At least between songs he joked with the audience. The real surprise though was his opener. Her name is Rachel Zylstra and she was fantastically amazing. Her music was quirky without being tacky which always grabs my attention. Her voice was beautiful. Her stage presence spot on. She gripped the attention of an audience where I imagine few had any clue who she was.
On Saturday I saw one of my all-time favorites – Cowboy Mouth. If you aren’t familiar with their music, shame on you. The band has been around forever (since 1990 anyway). Admittedly, they have very few songs that anyone has probably heard unless you know one of their fans, who tend to be pretty rabid about them, and with good reason. Anyone who has seen one of their shows knows that these guys (and gal) are some of the best live performers in existence. The only concert I’ve had more fun at than a Cowboy Mouth concert is Third Eye Blind.
Speaking of Third Eye Blind, I am quite excited to find out that they have a new album coming out. Even more exciting – Kimya Dawson is featured on it! WOW. Can. Not. Wait. You can hear a short snippit of “Why Can’t You Be” on MySpace (ughh Crapsite).
Tuesday I went to the Chicago Outdoor Film Festival with some friends to see Duck Soup. Firstly – this was my first COFF experience, and I can not imagine a better group of people to go with. Secondly, Duck Soup is an amazing movie and everyone needs to go watch it. RIGHT NOW! Thirdly, they (I’m not really sure who) handed out (hopefully) over 5,000 “Groucho Marx” glasses to attempt to have the largest group of people to ever do this at once. The former record holder (yes, this is an existing record) is somewhere in Missouri. Well, at least they have that…
Of course amongst all these things I was visiting with my friend Scott who was in town from Las Vegas, boating, going to birthday parties, making a fool of myself at a bar night named “Boys Room” and who knows what other debaucherous (spell check tells me that isn’t a word but I don’t care) things. Oh, and working my ass off!
Of course, now I have a backlog of uninteresting things to bombard you with so expect the next week to be absolutely titillating.
OK so I’m not a huge fan of the ear plugs, and definitely don’t buy into the diamonds-are-a-girl’s-best-friend tattoos, but don’t you just wanna knock him over and cuddle him?
This article argues that women wanting to get pregnant should look for an ugly guy because they are likely to produce more sperm. I look at it differently: pick the hot guy AND you have less risk of having children. Sounds like a win-win to me!
OK. I admit it. There is something irresistibly cute about hipsters. These perfect bed headed, masculine scruffed, complete baby-faced, individuals who wear well fitted and matching yet still outrageous 80s and 90s throwback clothes always catch my eye. Unfortunately, for me, I just am not their type usually. Oh well, I can still look, can’t I? So of course I love this blog – Hipster or Gay? Just look at this guy! Yes please!
As my American readers know, on this date in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed, officially proclaiming our nation free from the control of England. That very document said it almost perfectly – “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
So many have fought to protect the right of Americans to continue living that dream. The sad and ironic part of this story is how our country has historically ignored the necessity to protect those inalienable rights for all citizens. How many black, asian, transgendered, and gay men AND women have fought to protect those rights only to return home to oppression? It’s a sickening culture that claims peace and justice for the majority and squanders those who are different.
While the days of slavery and internment camps are long past and women enjoy legal equality, there is still much work to be done. Racism is everywhere. Women are paid on average far less than men for doing the same job, if they can even get the job. Transgendered people are brutally killed and the murderers walk and talk show hosts get away with saying they deserved it. Gay men and women fight overseas to protect the safety of the very people back home who won’t allow them to marry their long time life partners. Heck, they can’t even talk about their relationship or show a picture of their lover to a fellow service member without being discharged.
While you enjoy celebrating our Independence today, remember the principles that this country was founded on, and remember that all of your friends and family members don’t necessarily share the same ability to pursue Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. I firmly believe equality is within grasp for everyone, but only if everyone works at it.