The moment the second plane hit. Who doesn’t remember that? The first plane was a horrible accident. Pilot error, who knows. Then the second plane hit and our hearts sunk and we all collectively thought, “Oh fuck.”

I lived in upstate New York, pretty far from Manhattan when the attacks happened. It was far enough away to feel as safe as any American was likely to feel at that point in time. It was close enough to be cocooned in a yellow haze that made it difficult to see more than a foot or two away.

The fear that originated from the 9/11 attacks was genuine. Nobody got up that day and thought something so grave would happen.

I’ve never been more proud of my country, or of the world, than I was in the week or two after 9/11. For a short period of time I felt an overwhelming spirit of patriotism, but really, earthism. The attempted terror attacks did scare us, but not into hiding. If there ever was a moment for world peace, it came in those first few days after the attacks.

There was so much potential. Potential to spend the collective loving capital to promote unity. To spread peace. To say “We will not allow these attacks to change us for the worse. We will take this opportunity to be better.”

But America, the world’s superpower, was under direction of an awkward fratboy government. Bush’s best intentions fell far short of the ability to embrace the opportunity before him. For us, it was a chance to unite the world. For him, it was a chance to use his daddy’s toys and finish out a family vendetta.

I find myself conflicted today. Osama Bin Laden is dead. For many families who have lost loved ones to attacks masterminded by this man, there is likely a certain amount of closure to be had. For that, I am glad. For the world’s safety, we can rest just a tiny bit easier. Al Qaeda is not disbanded, but without it’s affable leader, their operations will be more difficult.

On the flip side, what have we accomplished? Is the world any safer today than it was a decade ago? Has our quality of life improved? I’d argue no. The only thing we are today that we weren’t ten years ago is scared. We’re spending an hour in line at airports so uneducated workers can make sure we aren’t carrying more than 3oz of shampoo. I look out my window and see homeless people and armed drug pushers. Kids aren’t graduating from school, their parents can’t get jobs, and those are just some of the problems plaguing our own country.

How much money and how many lives have we put into this? If we’d spent half that on feeding people, on missions to eradicate disease, on education and employment, where would we be today? If we’d spent that human capital on peaceful things that had immediate benefits instead of blowing shit up?

Terrorism doesn’t work if people aren’t terrorized.

So where is the disconnect?

Terrorism sells. And it gets votes. The most skilled terrorists are not hiding somewhere in a desert. They’re our leaders and journalists.

So Osama Bin Laden is gone. I don’t feel any better now than I did yesterday. Someday, someone will figure out the answer to uniting people in the pursuit of peace. Until then, try not to be too scared, okay? Turn off the major news outlets. They’re only there to freak you out. Vote for someone in a third party. Eat a fruit or vegetable that you didn’t like when you were a kid and haven’t tried in a decade. There’s a chance I’m wrong, but I have a hunch that it will be a pretty good ride if you focus on the love and joy of life.