Did you know that a 20 minute bike ride burns nearly 200 calories?
That’s just one of the many reasons that I try to bike to work at least a couple days a week. There are a lot of reasons to hop on a bike, but if you are going to ride in the city, watch out. Riding can be as dangerous as it is fun.
That is especially true this time of year; Trees and flowers are budding, people start running with their shirts off, happiness abounds, and everybody gets a little lost. I’m a very attentive biker. I stop (at least as much as the vehicles around me) at every stop sign, I watch for cars in all directions, I keep my eyes on the doors of parked vehicles to make sure one doesn’t swing out in front of me. Yet somehow I’ve still been nearly hit over five times this year. The reactions from drivers vary – some are mortified and apologetic, some are angry, and perhaps the worst, some don’t ever notice at all. So here, I present you with my tips for bikers and drivers on how to share the road and get where we are going safely.
Drivers
- Before you turn, look both ways and check your blindspots. Really, this is a given, but surprisingly not many do it.
- Put down the cell phone. If you were that important, you’d have an assistant. Whatever it is, it can wait until you aren’t putting anyone’s lives in danger. Pull over for five minutes if you need to.
- Leave a safe distance between you and anything else on the road. For bikes, that means a few feet.
- Keep in mind that bikers often can not ride as far to the right as you think they can. People opening car doors in parked cars pose as much of a risk to bikers as moving vehicles do. Now you know why cyclists will be a few feet away from anyone parked.
- For that matter, when you open your car doors, check for approaching vehicles – powered or otherwise. This is for the safety of your door and your body as much as anything approaching.
Bikers
- When you are on the road, you have to follow the rules of the road. If you break the rules and get hurt, your just an effing idiot.
- Have and use the proper equipment for biking. At the very least have on a helmet and have a strobing headlight and taillight.
- Bear in mind that even when a driver is wrong, they’re still in a 2,000lb+ vehicle that propels itself with thousands of explosions. You might have tree-trunk Apolo Ohno legs, but that car is still going to win if you go to battle.
- (Chicagoans) avoid the Lake path during peak times. It’s the wild west of dumb behavior. I highly suggest biking to the path and going for a run or taking a walk instead!
- If you listen to music while biking, keep the volume low and only use one side of your headphones. Listening to what is happening around you is as important as seeing it.
Okay, I’m going to sleep now so that I have the energy in the morning to bike to work 
Be safe!
I’m fairly certain you will agree with me when I say this: Sex is (almost always) fantastic. It’s fantastic and it’s everywhere. It’s in our media, it’s on our phones, it’s in department stores, and occasionally it’s in our bedrooms (or perhaps theirs.) Yet strangely, considering how rampant innuendo is in our society, blatantly speaking about sex is still somewhat taboo.
A little over a year ago, I left the relatively safe and comfortable confines of Google’s Chicago office after working there for three years. I left to do something different. I left to change healthcare so it would be better. I’m proud to say that the team of people I work with every day has done a fantastic job of having an impact in that area, but there’s a barrier to making it big: how do we educate people about something that they don’t want to talk about?
April is STD Awareness Month. Join me in breaking down the barriers that prevent people from being healthy. Be safe, and encourage others to do the same. Safe sex means using protection, being educated about what’s out there, and knowing your status. Remember, the worst thing that can happen is not that you get an STD, it’s that you get an STD and don’t do anything about it. Many can be cured, and none of them mean the end of the world if cured.
So go out there and have a “ball” (or two), and for fuck’s sake, get tested. And if you want to try our new approach to STD testing, use the link below to get $50 a complete sexual health checkup.
Sure, this may not come as a surprise to many of us. As my good friend Cara said – there has been speculation about this for years. There are even the very revealing paparazzi photos of him in his skimpies on the beach with one heck of an attractive man. Perhaps this is a convenient time to come out, when he isn’t at the height of his career, when public acceptance of homosexuality is common and growing, and when it is seemingly trendy for celebs to come out. There’s a lot of sarcasm flying around about the topic, and even some bitterness; why?
It’s been a decade since I was outed to my family, but I still remember all too clearly the burden of keeping mum about being gay. It’s certainly not something that is fun to do. In a way, being mad at someone for remaining in the closet is similar to disliking them for being gay. Society makes it quite a hassle to be gay, it would be easier to just be straight, and similarly being in the closet is a horrible experience, and it would be much more liberating to live life unhidden. People remain closeted for a reason, and it’s important not to lose touch with that fact.
I’m not much of a celebrity follower. I love the art that musicians, actors, writers, and performers create for us to consume. I don’t need to and in many ways don’t want to know who they are dating or what they look like fetching the paper. The exception is when a celebrity comes out. Celebrities have a fantastic power to change the opinions of a large number of people. When someone of that status comes out, their fans and followers notice. Some fans will become former fans, and some formerly ignorant fans will become enlightened. We should commend artists that take the risk and lovingly encourage others to follow.
I ask my friends and readers to respond to this news not with vitriol but with compassion and appreciation.
I thank Ricky Martin for his bravery, and I wish the best for him and his family.
If not for the fact that Courtney Cox is a stunning, amazing actress, or that the comedy is original and smart, then at least for this little bit of gorgeousness – otherwise known as Matt (played by David Clayton Rogers.)
Click the image for the full affect – or just go watch the whole episode on Hulu yourself.
UPDATE: Apparently he was also in the gay movie “Boys Life 4″ – has anyone seen it? I’ve never even heard of it…
This is not to say that I’m never annoying in my “social media” ways – but seriously, some people need to get a clue. Thankfully, here I am to provide one! I present to you: Jordan’s Tips to Avoid Being an Online Nincompoop.
1) Whatever TV show you are watching – nobody cares. Seriously. Unless you are watching a never-before-aired episode of Star Trek: Voyager, I could give two hoots about what you’re doing with the boob tube.
BAD: Just watched the season finale of True Blood. I can’t believe that _______ happened!
OK: Having some folks over tonight to watch Desperate Housewives and drink that case of wine I just bought. Text me if you’d like to join.
GOOD: Just watched the most amazing documentary on the reign of Queen Nefertiti on the History Channel. I found it streaming online, here’s the link.
2) Dumbledore dies. STOP POSTING SPOILERS. You wouldn’t run around the train or bar giving away the ending – don’t do it online. The next person I see posting a spoiler within a week of the release/airtime is going to have the pleasure of receiving daily spoilers from me.
BAD: Any spoilers
OK: Screaming the spoilers into your pillow
GOOD: Keeping your fat mouth shut
3) Display your year of birth / age on your profile. You aren’t fooling anyone. If you don’t have this piece of information there are either too options: you are too young to drink or too old to stay up past 9pm. Quit being so self-conscious about it.
BAD: 11/24 – I’m older than I look! Must be those jeans.
(Ugh – I hate when people mix up genes/jeans)
OK: 11/24/1983
GOOD: 11/24/1983, my SSN is 595-29-8393, I live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC, and my mother’s last name is Zbornak.
4) “Heading to the gym to work on my legs.” Wonderful. When you’re done working those legs can you give me a piggy back ride to the store? Since you’re so strong and all… It’s great that you work out but unless it’s your first time at the gym or you sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons himself, it probably isn’t that relevant to anyone online. There is an exception. The Nike + iPod is a freaking crazy great invention and if you let it sync up that is kinda cool.
BAD: I already gave the example.
OK: Just got back to the gym after 6 months on the crutch. My trainer asked me out on a date! Where should we go?
GOOD: Just joined a new gym, the guys there are so hot, check out this one that looks like Zac Efron that I snapped on his way out of the pool.
5) Going to work, Zzzzzzz, eating dinner, etc. There better be something more interesting to it or don’t bother. Here’s an example:
BAD: At work, can’t wait to go home! Posted at 9am.
OK: Just got into work- three hours late and hungover! Going to need a drink again after work – who’s in?
GOOD: Just got in a fight with my boss at work over his stupid tweets. I slapped him and walked out, but not before grabbing that hot accountants ass. Anyone hiring?
6) Posting your relationship status or how much you are in love with your lover. BARF. If I wanted to witness all sorts of lubby-dubby I would go to Steamworks where all the magic happens. But I don’t so I don’t!
BAD: Jordan BOOV is in a relationship with Hando Righto. 12:29pm. / I LOVE MY BABY, HE’S SO CUDDLY AND CUTE! MWAH! 12:41pm / Can’t wait to get home and play with my baby *teehee* xoxoxo 1:12pm / Awwwhhh my sweetie just sent me an e-card with a teddy bear in it! SO CUTE! 1:46pm
OK: Planning dinner for a first date. He likes Chinese food but I don’t know of any good restaurants in the area. Any suggestions?
GOOD: I just got engaged to Jesse Bradford. Sorry for keeping it a secret from you all but he wanted to be quiet until we’d been together a while. Here’s a picture of his schlong. Forgive me?
7) Posting your breakup stories. Ugh, it’s almost as bad as the mushy crap. Oh wow, so you’re back with that boyfriend of yours for the fourteenth time, congratulations. I guess that means I should clear my calendar next week for when you break up again. Oh, you broke up again because he cheated on you, stole your virginity, and all he left was a piece of lint and a gum wrapper. My condolences.
BAD: Well, you just read it.
OK: While it’s fine to mark yourself as “In a relationship” and then “Single” on Facebook – there is actually an option so that it doesn’t show up in everyone’s feed. So go ahead and set your status – after you’ve disabled it from showing.
GOOD: Actually the example story was pretty funny. If your breakup is hilarious – post about it!
I speel guud. Seriously – doesn’t your computer underline the words that are spelled wrong? It’s like the computer gods descended on your inadequate education and said “we apologize, here is a tool to make you look like less of a tool” and you ignored it. Also important is to know the difference between your/you’re, there/their/they’re; knowing that a lot is not one word, and so many other offensive mistakes that I won’t even bother listing them and instead I’ll just direct you to the website of one Grammar Girl.
BAD: you’re mom.
OK: If you are sloppy drunk and miss the keys, but manage to post something hilarious.
GOOD: Anytime you pull off a complete sentence without looking like a fool.
9) BREAKING NEWS: Tupac is dead! Seriously folks, unless you were there, quit trying to break the story. This happens several times a week now, especially with the rate celebrities are dropping off at. Things we already know, and probably knew before you posted your stupid status message: Michael Jackson died, Kanye West is a douche, President Obama agrees that Kanye West is a douche, Gmail went down…
BAD: Michael Jackson died! SO SAD!
OK: Just watched this plane head into the Hudson River from my office. <twitpic link to photo you actually took>
GOOD: Britney choked on an ice cube in her Jack and Coke at my restaurant just five minutes ago and passed out. I cleared her passageway and revived her and now she’s taking me on tour with her! Do you think these pills she gave me as a thank you are safe?
Look folks, it’s really common sense. Before you post something online, take a moment and ask yourself, “Will anybody find this even remotely interesting. If I shouted this out, completely at random, in a roomful of my friends and strangers, would they care?” If the answer is no, you are about to commit a turdcrime. That is, a crime of pooing all over the internet. Don’t take a dump on our happy electronic neuro-center and we’ll all be fine!
In other news, as I was writing this, I realized that some of my peeves overlapped with some outlined in this blog post over at Dangling Carrots. If you find yourself to be an offender of any of the bullet points here, you might want to continue your research over there
Disclaimer: Any violations to these rules by one BOOV are purely ironic and/or caused by an unnerving level of exposure to real-world examples. None of the examples provided are real and are purely provided for illustrative purposes. Except for slapping Henry Grubstick’s arse. That really happened. Also, everyone breaks these rules, including myself. It’s funny – don’t stress
