I understand why young people are killing themselves.
When you are gay, who do you have to turn to?
No matter how supportive my family is and how many close friends I make, I still feel a constant loss and I still harbor incredible amounts of anger. Although I’ve surrounded myself with people who love me, I am still surrounded by the constant din of hateful rhetoric. Whether directed at me, or just mindlessly spouted into the collective, it hurts.
And who out there is watching out for me? I’m not asking who can I call that will tell me they love me or who can I go hug and share my anger with. I’m asking who, in a position of power, is watching out for me? Our “fierce advocate” Obama? Nope. His administration’s clear ambivalence to our plight and lack of action are evidence that his campaigning was little more than hollow, lifeless, careless promises. In my eyes the biggest policy decisions he has made about LGBT people is to defend the Defense of Marriage Act and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the two harshest laws discriminating against us. Fair weather fan, I guess.
What about other elected representatives? Well considering Congress won’t even vote yes to debate something as simple and widely favored as Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, I guess I can’t turn to anyone there.
Perhaps I can count on the media. After all, it is the media’s responsibility to investigate and report. They’re the unwritten part of the system of checks and balances. When all branches of our government go haywire, we can count on reporters to set the record straight. Then, on Coming Out day, Washington Post publishes a vitriolic (and completely false) mess of hate speech. My face is still bruised from that slap.
Unfortunately I can’t turn to the country as a whole. Those are the people I need the government to protect me from.
We can tell clearly from NY Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino that everyone is willing to reap the benefits of LGBT people, and nobody in the upper echelons is willing to stick their neck out for us. Despite leasing his properties to two gay bars in the past, one run by his son, he campaigned saying “I don’t want them [children] to be brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option.”
So when every day you are faced with wondering whether mentioning a bar you were at, or a song you were listening to, or the clothes you are wearing, or the name of someone you went on a date with will end in ridicule, or worse, violence, what would you do?
Well I get really angry and write about it. I know I’m preaching to the choir but it makes me feel a little better. Not everyone is that strong though. For some people, when faced with this level of discrimination, and given seemingly no way out, death seems like a better option. It’s not, but I can see where it might look that way.
The good news is there are places for gay people to go and be safe. If I wanted to get rid of this stress and hurt, I could just stop paying attention to the news and shuffle around some of who I follow on Twitter. Escape isn’t that far away and maybe that’s why I can handle it. I also know that within my lifetime the majority of these silly laws will probably be gone, and while gay people may not be seen as equals by all, it will be a heck of a lot easier.
I just wish everyone would see that while I’m different, I’m not different. The difference between gay and straight is no greater than the difference between brown and blond. And I wish that people realized that changing our laws to recognize that fact is no less urgent than ending our war in Iraq or balancing the budget or finding a cure for cancer.
There is an unspoken epidemic in this country. It’s not people being gay. It’s people who are gay who are depressed and angry and who have no remedy but to sit and wait while those in power decide when the appropriate time is to say “now you are equal.”
A friend of mine (hi Jamie!) forwarded this wonderful note to me on Facebook. It has apparently been making the rounds and to be completely honest I can not recall reading any better written argument for why marriage rights are so important to homosexuals. In fact I was so impressed that I contacted Terry (the author) to get his permission to publish his note on my blog. Comments are of course encouraged!
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Open Letter to My Friend Who Opposes Gay Marriage
By Terry Allen-Rouman
May 27, 2009
Thank you for your message, which I’m keeping private at your request, and for your honesty. But I disagree with you. People say that just because they are against gay marriage doesn’t mean they are homophobic. I agree that they do not necessarily “fear†gays, as “phobic†implies, but they are absolutely demonstrating that they feel gays are somehow inferior. My being gay is defined by my being in love with a man rather than a woman. If someone does not see my relationship as equal to a non-gay relationship, I can only conclude they somehow feel, even if subconsciously, that I am inferior.
Marriage in the United States is actually two different institutions, civil marriage and religious marriage. Many couples enjoy both, while others have only one or the other.
Civil marriage legally confers over 1,400 legal rights on a couple, things such as the right to file joint taxes, the right to visit each other in the hospital, the right to inherit each other’s property without lengthy and expensive additional processes in place. In addition to state rights, the federal government confers over 1,100 rights to married couples and up until recently recognized each state’s civil marriages to confer these rights – now they single out same-gender marriages for exclusion of these rights. Some states, including California, grant many, if not all, of the same state rights as civil marriage under a separate umbrella, such as domestic partnership. But as with other civil rights struggles, separate has proven not to be equal. First and foremost, not all rights are granted to these other types of relationships (especially federal rights in this case). And perhaps as important, at least to me, many people in society simply don’t understand the other types of relationships – everyone understands marriage. With one word, husband, I am able to convey and receive respect for my lifelong commitment to my husband, a “right†that you enjoy, probably without a second thought.
Religious marriage is an institution defined separately by each religion, church, or synagogue. Many religions do not recognize each other’s marriages. I absolutely honor your decision to belong to a religion that does not sanction same-gender marriages. But other religions do sanction same-gender marriages. And at least in the United States, our laws are not supposed to be driven by one religion over another, and certainly are not supposed to suppress any religion. Your church defines “marriage†one way – and I am not trying to change how your church defines it. But I deeply resent Californians voting for, and even being allowed to vote for, changing how my religion defines “marriage.â€
Not long ago, interracial marriage was outlawed in many states, using remarkably similar arguments as those used today by those opposing same-gender marriage. Interracial marriage was against many people’s religions at the time, and it was argued that allowing interracial marriage would undermine the entire institution of marriage. Luckily, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws against interracial marriage, ruling in 1967 that “marriage is one of the basic civil rights of man.â€
Jason and I had our religious wedding in 1993, well before we were allowed to have our civil marriage in 2008. Now, although our marriages remain valid, the voters of California have decided not to allow other same-gender couples to enjoy this same right, and the California Supreme Court has agreed. For the first time in history, the majority of voters have rewritten a state’s constitution to discriminate against a minority. This is a dangerous precedent. I find it interesting that although 52.3% of voters voted for Prop. 8 in November, this represents only 30.2% of eligible California voters, and only 19.0% of all Californians. So less than one in five Californians is all it takes to eliminate a group of people’s rights.
Luckily, our country continues to define equality more and more broadly. And history has never looked back kindly at those who have stood in the way of equality. More and more Californians and more and more Americans support same-gender marriage each year, realizing that equality needs to include everyone. I look forward to the day that it does.
Here is a compilation of video shots and photos from Chicago’s Day of Decision rally. Originally I had the video set to Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” but YouTube wasn’t having any of it so here is the video with Say It’s Possible by Terra Naomi.
Every time I head out to a protest this is the song that I have playing in my head. Gay rights is probably not exactly what Mraz was thinking when he wrote the song but I can’t help but be moved by the lyrics in that context.
“No I won’t hesitate no more, no more / It can not wait / I’m sure.”
It was wonderful seeing familiar faces and new faces alike last night. The crowd was an angry group of people happy to cherish their diversity, queer or otherwise. There was one thing we all shared in common though – we were all human, and we were all equal.
It looks like Illinois may be the next state to legalize civil unions for gay (as well as straight) couples. While it isn’t full marriage rights, it is moving in the right direction. Read the full story at Joe. My. God.
The California Supreme Court will issue it’s ruling on Prop 8 on Tuesday, May 26. Keep your fingers crossed for good news, whatever you think that is. And by whatever you think that is I of course mean if you agree Prop 8 needs to be overturned. If you don’t agree with me go back to reading Ann Coulter’s blog or something.
I couldn’t find any new pics of cute couples on short notice, so here is a completely unrelated photo but fully acceptable photograph of one incredibly hot man.
I love this man. At least someone in the news industry has their head on straight. I’ll leave all the talking points to the video but suffice it to say Miss California got told! Oh snap!
“Soon gay people will start falling out of the sky … they’ll come at us marching … not marching, more like a dance, they’ll dance at us – and it’ll be choreographed, it’ll be good”